Sunday, October 30, 2005



I escaped. It took about thirty years, but I gradually chipped out a hole in the wall that led to a vast underground tunnel and ultimately, freedom. To avoid any prison guards spotting the hole, I simply hung a big poster of the dead Diana, formerly Princess of Wales in front of it. It wasn't fun looking at that for three decades, I can tell you, but I think the prison guards have too much respect for royalty to feel tempted to pull it down in one of their fits of pique about their unpopularity among the condemned.

After getting out, I noticed that despite thirty years having passed, everything was the same. Science still hasn't come up with fast exciting space-travel, or a cure for the common cold, or a way of getting drugs to Africa, politics still exists and there are still too many blondes in America. I am not sure whether I have been through a time-warp or whether the thirty years I just spent waiting to be electrocuted were really only a few days that seemed like thirty years. I would have blogged more, but honestly it was really, really boring in there. If I had known they don't even give you beer, I never would have bothered.

Thursday, October 27, 2005


good news and bad news

The good news is I put that word thingy on to stop robots infecting the blog. The bad news is I may not be blogging much longer anyway because I might be dead. Apparently they do actually kill innocent people here on death row. Personally I do not agree with killing people at all, but things are worse than I thought. I definitely recommend to anyone coming to America not to turn yourself in for murder even when you are innocent, as it could easily backfire. There is obviously a reason why they call it death row, and it is not to do with the fact that people sometimes stay here alive for years on end. Hopefully I will come up with a cunning breakout plan before actually meeting my demise.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


death row blogging

It is quite boring here on death row, the routine is always the same and we don't get to do much gardening, also the food is inedible so I am becoming quite thin. I now think it was probably a mistake to come here just to write a more interesting blog, the bed is uncomfortable and the prison guards are rude, if anyone else is thinking of writing a death row blog I would advise them not to bother unless they are already on death row anyway for some reason, it is not what you would call a creatively inspiring environment and the clothes are terrible. I will be starting my campaign to get released quite soon, hopefully all will be fine as I am actually innocent.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005


total confusion

Alright, now I really am confused. It seems I should write about what is on my mind and my schooldays experiences with themes from death row, I like ha ha ha's idea about making up the death row part as there is some risk of death with actually being on death row, also it occurred to me they may not allow very much high speed internet access there, from what I have seen in Susan Sarandon movies the living conditions are not that great, I don't think they even had their own TVs or phones in fact. Apparently celebrity blogs are popular these days especially ones where you are rude about their clothes, so I am thinking maybe just blogging whatever is on my mind about celebrity outfits while pretending to be on death row would be good. But then again I read somewhere that you need to invent a name nobody else has heard of to impress the search engines, I don't know what search engines are really, I know you can put a word into google and it will find you six hundred things completely irrelevant to whatever you wanted to find out about, but what is the point in that? It would be better called a loss engine in my opinion. But anyway you are supposed to call yourself squodge or trooolooo (lots of os are good, apparently) for this spurious incomprehensible reason.

So putting all that together, should I have a new mission statement called "Whatever occurs to me from death row about celebrity splooodle fashion plus themed anecdotes from my childhood?"

The celebrity outfits is a really bad idea though, I don't know why people are interested in that, they all look the same anyway. I saw this blog where the woman says things like, "This skirt looks like an ocean liner, and this jacket is reminiscent of a bag of oranges" and it was not funny, it did not even make any sense at all, the outfits clearly did not resemble the things she was making up. There is no accounting for popular taste, which is another reason why I am a misanthrope.

Sunday, October 23, 2005


brainstorming in a teacup

I am considering starting a new blog, but one about things I like instead of one that complains about everything. I am sure it is true that there is always something new to moan about, but I am not sure that it is a good idea for one's general sanity to be looking for bad things all the time to blog about, although there is nothing wrong with having a negative approach if that is the way you enjoy life.

My mother used to sing the praises of pessimism, she always used to say to me, "Annie, the best way to approach life is to expect constant disasters, because then if there is a disaster you will not suffer added shock, and if something good happens then it will be a treat!" Here as in so many other things my mother was completely wrong, which is no doubt why she ended up in the secure asylum in the end, although they are nice to her there and give out extra bananas on a Wednesday. Anyway, I am not saying that if I carry on this blog I will end up like my mother, for one thing I only drink to an average degree and for another I can cook, but all in all what I am doing is thinking of changing blogs to a different subject.

Here are some choices. Tell me what you think.

1. A blog about my life in Columbia travelling about the place to Communist festivals and on drug criminal cocaine raids with the local police force (this would be difficult as it would involve emigrating and learning Columbian).
2. A blog where I list everything on the internet that day, all the events of the world, everything bloggers think about them and instigate campaigns against government wastage (this would just be difficult. Incredibly difficult.)
3. A blog where I choose a political position and insult everyone who doesn't agree with it. (But imagine what kind of people you would meet putting comments on a blog like that!! Not good.)
4. A blog where I tell everyone all about the latest developments in internet technology, nanopods, cellpodcasting, podsearches, etc etc (the obvious disadvantage is obviously that I have no idea about any of those.)
5. A blog where I write about some disastrous aspect of my personal life in grievous embarrassing detail. To do this I would have to probably catch cancer or try to have infertility treatment or kill somebody, but a death-row blog would probably interest many readers.

As none of these ideas are especially brilliant I shall continue to think about it and let you know what is going on, as far as blogging is concerned I mean.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


computer games

Personally I am not into computer games, I can play one of those shooting the monsters ones and it is alright until you reach your natural limit (of interestedness I mean, not skills, anyone can pick up more skills if they have a lot of interest in something, just ask a gorilla) but then if I keep going while no longer interested I get brain haeomorrages of course if that is how you spell it, which anyone would under the circumstances.

However, I do not have a problem with anybody else playing computer games. If they want to spend their life wiggling sticks that is up to them, and you cannot argue that they are not learning anything because to someone like me who basically can't do it, it is obvious they have highly developed skills of coordinating little sticks incredibly fast, even if those skills happen to be useless. Perhaps they will become useful one day, or already are, who knows.

So this is what I hate, people who go around saying that computer games are bad for people. This is total rubbish. What is bad for people is nosey idiots poking their boots into other people's business and bossing them around when they have no psychic skills at all and cannot possibly tell whether the angry computer game player is having their brain destroyed by some kind of 1960s psychedelic spy show type of computer-game-subliminal-communist-ray-gun-emitter, or whether in fact they are merely sick to death with being told they are doing something bad when it is perfectly harmless and happens to be their favourite hobby. And as you cannot tell for sure, you have to go for the most likely, and it is not the first one as even idiots can tell if they try. But these people do not try, they just like having excuses for why it is that everyone around them gets angry and violent whenever they come near which avoid the obvious common denominator. Although they also get their personal satisfaction from stopping other people having any fun, because they are so bitterly miserable. They would be better off becoming alcoholics, if all the bitter people just drank themselves silly and went around falling over they would cause less harm, which proves that evolution is basically stupid. I will come back to evolutiuon later.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


could the current diagnostic trend lead to government-sanctioned crack cocaine treatments next? I am just wondering

I can see that the words "deficit disorder attention" are really stupid because basically they just mean "bored" and the head shrinkers have publicised these fancy extended terms to make it sound like they invented something new and impressive. I can see that, but I still go around using those 3 words anyway because I like to annoy people who think they are a medical illness, like smallpox or something, and I like the sound of them because they are so pretentious, and it is fun to watch people's faces when you say you have disorder attention deficit, while they try and figure out if you really mean it or are just joking them, and if you do mean it whether or not you are out of your eyeballs with medical amphetamine usage.

Now I do think there is a difference between being bored and attention disorder deficit, because you can't have everyone going around claiming to be DDA when it is just that they are lazy and have made no effort to find anything to do, which is unfair on the people who go around seeking out interesting new activities all the time and just find that none of them last long enough. Obviously by the time you are grown up there is not much excuse for the second one either, except maybe if you live in Estonia or somewhere, I would think it must be terrible to be an easily bored person there, although of course the thing to do would be put a lot of effort into working out how to escape. (Actually I have never been to Estonia, I am just guessing that it is most likely dull. Maybe Finland is a better example, I am fairly sure they only have the one city, and one city is definitely going to get dull quite fast.)

So anyway, the main thing I am complaining about today is fake DDA people, who watch TV, walk really slowly, eat a lot of mashed potatoes and then get bored and like to moan about it boringly, because those people are not really bored they just can't be bothered to do anything and they actually enjoy saying they are bored all day and find it sufficiently interesting as an activity in itself. To be a truly easily bored person with specialist psycho initials, you must actually be trying very hard to occupy yourself and failing despite the enormous effort. DDA is what they used to call craziness, or being nuts, laziness is what they used to call lazy and it still is. And the other thing I am complaining about is myself, because I said there is no excuse once you are grown up, but I think that was a little harsh on me as perhaps I was the victim of a traumatic lifetime which has left me without the amazingly fascinating career that would stop me being bored, who can tell?

There is a lot of craziness about anyway, and some of the crazy people are bored, and hopefully they will get it together and find some better activities without having to become crack addicts first.

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