Saturday, July 16, 2005
Anyway, if you like your life already, why would you want to spend all year fantasising about your tiny little holiday in the middle of it? And if you would rather be in Spain, well move there, you only live once and if you do not move now, you will either regret it on your death bed or spend the next few years making up pathetic excuses and then finally giving up and becoming a zombie, both of which are terrible things to do. Of course, then there are all those people who do move to Spain etc, and they are mostly dreadful too, as you can tell from the TV shows called "Horrible people move to Spain" etc, they get there thinking they can have a nice lifestyle just funded by their egg-farm and then find out Spain has plenty of eggs already and egg-farming is a lot lot harder work than they expected, just because a place is sunny does not mean all you have to do is laze around all day drinking sangria and the eggs will just lay themselves then jump into egg-boxes and take themselves off to the market and sell themselves for twenty thousand euros apiece.
Then there are those people on the TV shows called "horrible people buy even more houses abroad", where the people are rich so they can buy two houses but then they can only go there for two weeks still because obviously if they lost their jobs they would no longer be rich. So they have to buy houses that can be rented, which means they end up making more money and still not being able to enjoy it by just moving to Spain like they think they want. This is because they do not really want to go there at all really, they just want to look like the kind of people who appreciate nice weather and can tell the difference between a home-grown lemon and one from a supermarket. Which is ridiculous, because there is no difference.
I seem to have got off the point of moaning about America in particular lately, but these people are everywhere. You think you can escape them, but you cannot. Americans like to go on holiday to a hut by a lake where they waterski and spend the evenings in a big fat restaurant eating giant-sized plates of french fries just as usual, but they do not seem to have many holidays, because the travelling distances are so great and saying you have to work is a good excuse for not going. Everyone else would probably do the same if they had to spend a week and a half in the car to get anywhere, because basically most people loathe holidays, they come back afterwards feeling desperate and exhausted because all it did was remind them how completely dreadful their normal life is, the only reason they went was because they were kidding themselves. Then they get back into their normal routine and it is easier than having to pass all that spare time they had on holiday, so they become grateful, and then they say "it's good to go away, but the best thing is coming home again!" They should just admit they hate holidays and stop going.
So, cancel your holiday, just move house instead. Egg-farming is not that much fun but at least it will make a change, and if you don't like that there is always running a bed and breakfast, in both cases you will be fighting off the film-crews but at least they will leave as soon as the weather gets really muddy in the autumn. They still have winter in nearly all hot places, and it is still cold and wet, and I don't know what people do then with their disillusionment when they discover this as it is not shown on TV, only the complaining about hard work in the hot part of the year when the film-crew is having a nice time watching them and spending the evenings drinking sangria. Which is fair enough, as "dull miserable winters of people abroad" would not make a very good TV show anyway.