Sunday, July 17, 2005

 

short men, they are suspicious

I am sorry if any of you reading this are short men, although frankly it doesn't seem like anybody is reading this, so that means there is only a small chance because if the total number of adults in the world is divided by tall men, tall women, medium men, medium women, short men and short women, that means the number of short men is only one sixth, or probably quite a bit less, as mediums usually dominate the market. I would say ten per cent or less, so if there are less than ten readers probably none of you apply.

Anyway, short men, they are suspicious. Think of Tom Cruise, Danny Devito and Columbo. I know Columbo had a wheelchair, but it has the same effect, you are lower down than average while sitting in a wheelchair. Where I live there are an abnormally high number of short men, I asked someone why and they said it was because they are Hispanic. I do not know if this is true, or why Hispanic men would be shorter, but it is not just Hispanics anyway, it is men in general. However, the good news is that in an area with a high concentration of shortness they do not need to suffer from the main usual short problem, which is feeling inadequate and then having to make up for it by expanding horizontally, shouting loudly, or both.

But the bad news is, these approaches are well-known and therefore less threatening than the alternatives. One of these alternatives is becoming malignant, like the bad goblin in the film about all the elves, elephants, dwarves etc that everyone went nuts about last year. Such men pretend to be friendly munchkins while plotting your death when you're not looking. The other alternative is just to look malignant, which is why I said short men are suspicious. Obviously the main problem behind the whole thing is that short men cannot get girlfriends, because tall men get the short women and medium-to-tall women shun small men even if it means staying single forever, unless they are really rich or famous like David Bailey the photographer and a great example of a totally malignant short man. My best advice is that short men focus on ugly women, because, well, I do not know what else they can do really except get rich or famous. Getting rich or famous is a good idea though, if I were you I would focus on that.

Comments:
afirst i thuohght taht said 'shoot men, they are suspicious'. i liked taht betar.
 
"short men, they are suspicious"

as are new immigrants to America!
 
Well it is quite suspicious to spell your own first name wrong too, although the idea of going round the blogosphere pretending to be famous people is quite tempting I must admit.
 
Like you, I find short men but also women suspicious. They creep me out. Like little creepy-crawleys. My advice is, get out of there immediately and move to somewhere with a very very low percentage of short people.
 
Annie,

You are right. I spelled my own name incorrectly.
The web site is "michelemalkin.com"
My spelling mistake leads one to a rather right-wing nut-case.
I suspect, however, she does not approve of new immigrants either.
I am sorry for any trauma this mistake may have caused.
 
Wasn't it Cannon who had the wheelchair? I thought Columbo had the cigar. Baretta had the bird, Starsky and Hutch had the car, and Kojak had the lollipop. But all that's beside the point. Short men. They're okay. I married a short man, and he doesn't make up for it by being loud or fat. He makes up for it by having a huge...
 
Cigar and a glass eye.
 
Girl, you sound bat-shit crazy paranoid...I kinda dig it. Then again, I'm 5'3"
 
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