Wednesday, July 06, 2005
there are even special fridges for your own personal beer keg, oh yes
You are not supposed to drink until you are aged about thirty-seven, so that just means as soon as they are legal everyone spends the rest of their lives making up for all the lost drinking years. On the other hand, plenty of young people drink illegally, but then that presents the problem of finding a hiding place, which means driving off in the car somewhere, well if you are already illegal what difference does it make to add a few extra crimes on top of that, such as murder while under the influence of a crazed authoritarian legal system. Admittedly I have not seen many drunk driving deaths around the place, all the extra space on the roads probably helps somewhat, but there was a deceased armadillo by the side of the road today, no doubt the victim of some crazed nineteen-year-old pondering so deeply on the bizarre contradictoriness of American law that he forgot to swerve into a ditch and save the wildlife.
Then there are all those appalling "jock" people, which means male college students who drink too much so they can go around being violent, stupid and annoying, and wearing tartan shorts. They do this until they reach middle age, because American college degrees take literally decades to complete, and usually people like to acquire three or four before finally getting to grips with real life and paying back some of the money, whereupon they usually either run for government office, or open a pizza shop.
Do not imagine I am only talking about redneck places with lots of "liquor" shops, New York and California are the hardest drinking places of all, they just don't want you to know that. Everyone in California is at an all-day-long film discussion meeting in some flash restaurant, or celebrating the fact they escaped from that kind of meeting, so they drink like fish. And in New York, the women especially are great big powerful kick-boxing types who can down fifteen vodkas on the trot without a burp. Then they go outside and chain-smoke five cigarettes in the snow. Then they spend the rest of the night trying to get a taxi home because there's nowhere to park and they don't want to go on the subway and risk sitting next to a Chilean.