Friday, July 08, 2005

 

travelling up its own arse-holey war, more like

I agree with Noreen, the terrorists are useless ungifted losers. Since 9/11 it has been downhill all the way for the international terrorist movement, with these latest attacks representing an all-time low. Let's look at some more evidence:

1. They timed the bombs to coincide with the G8 summit. What is that supposed to mean? G8 and Live8 and everything else ending in 8 have nothing to do with Israel or Iraq or any kind of armed conflict whatsoever. Clearly the terrorists were just miffed about being ignored, and trying to get in on everything. They were annoyed that G8 was in the news and they were not, so they pretended to agree with Sir Lord Geldof only in a more carnage-motivated way. Well nobody is going to be fooled by that, it is obvious that murderous terrorists do not care about Africa at all, if they did then finding a cure for AIDS would be more useful than killing innocent people. So now they look like hypocrites as well as mass-murderers.

2. They stopped all London transport for a whole day. Do they not know (well, obviously they don't know, but still the utterly brain-boggling nature of their quantum mind-warpage forces me, a mere normal human, to ask the question, otherwise I could accidentally create a black hole right here in my own living-room), do they not know (see parentheses above) that stopping the whole of London transport for a day is exactly the kind of thing Londoners enjoy, in their heroic blitz-spirit kind of way, which they have been practising since forever, every time there is a train disaster or an hours-long wait in a tunnel or somesuch incident they practise it, they get all confident and calm and start chatting with each other, and the whole thing becomes a great big victory and makes them feel great inside, and has the exact opposite effect of scaring the hell out of them? This is a terrorist balls-up on a gargantuan scale. They got the whole of London sitting down with pints of beer in brave defiance. This is slightly the diametrical opposite of making them bow down to jihad.

3. They attacked their own side, by choosing areas with lots of Muslims to bomb in. How dumb is this! Now every British Muslim leader and his granny is saying they disagree with Al Qaeda (whatever that is, I think it is the worst club in the world by definition that anyone calling themselves a member gets to be one, which is just plain sad, they should work a little harder and then perhaps gain acceptance by the Rotarians instead, great plonkers) and if anyone in their mosque knows anything to tell the police. This is not exactly a result. Muslims are more scared of non-Muslims being rude to them in the street after these bombings than they are of the balloon-brains who did them.

Here is the terrorists' board-meeting when they were planning it all. Someone up front with a great flip-chart: "Right then everyone, the idea is, we make sure all the friends and neighbours see the carnage too, and then instead of sitting around outside cafes on the Edgware Road smoking great big hookahs all day, they will be really really impressed and maybe start a jihad army and then we can all storm parliament!" Or maybe, "The plan is, we let those- erm, us- Muslims know who is really in charge, which is of course ourselves in the Secret Islamic People's Front, and then they will give us smoke hookahs for free and maybe even free espresso coffees too! Well, those of us who aren't planning to get blown up too of course, sorry about that Ahmed, we will think of you as we tuck into our complimentary kebabs though, nice one, mate, respect!" Hasan pipes up from the back, "Can we make sure my mother is back from visiting her sister in Jordan to see it, because this could help with my campaign to get her to buy me a new car for my birthday?"

I ask you, how are normal Muslims supposed to figure out this is what they want? And if it's not this, then what exactly is it? Every normal Muslim in Britain is now walking around completely baffled. Even the ones who want to cow to terrorism don't know how to cow in this case. What a waste of time.

4. They made Ken Livingstone angry. Mr Ken has, rightly or wrongly, been doing everything he can to help the cause of everyone who hates the capitalist West ever since he got in charge of London. Even if most of it did apparently involve dance festivals rather than armed conflict.

Now, I am slightly worried about Mr Ken, because he seems to be taking the whole thing very personally, and I do not blame him either, what with him being the Mayor and everything, and calling him a Zionist is completely unfair, he has taken great pains to ensure that nobody mistakes him for a Zionist. He is so angry now, he even used the expression "mass-murderers" which as far as I recall he has never said before about anyone except President W. So that represents a big and possibly traumatic shift in his political thinking, he was almost in tears when he reminded us all that London is the greatest city in the world, as had been confirmed by the International Olympic Committee only the day before the mass murders. I do not know what Mr Ken will do in retaliation, whether he will step up the dance festivals or not, but I am quite sure he is not friends anymore with the people who ruined his great big Olympic party in Trafalgar Square, and I do not see how this can do them any good.

There is undoubtedly even more evidence that the bombers are utter total failures, but going through it all is like counting the grains of sand on a beach, it is depressing that anyone should feel they have to do it in the first place. So that's enough for now.

Comments:
What about the Campbell's V8 / Mott's Clamato marketing wars?
 
Well done Annie.
 
bostens teh grates city in tewh wrold. lonan mighbt be #3 aftar tokyo. er rather #4 afttar tokyo an then alentown pensylvania.
 
Well I doubt that those vegetable drinks anonymous said had anything to do with armed conflict either, which only further proves that things ending in 8 have nothing to do with armed conflict.
 
August 10th. Another rubbish "attack". Foiled by MI5 before it even began. These people must be utter morons if they can't spread terror better than they actually do.

In fact they are SO rubbish that I wonder whether the government aren't just making the entire thing up to convince us that we need ID cards.
 
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