Friday, August 05, 2005


and I haven't told anyone this a thousand times, either

I am sick of people talking about "the cult of celebrity". There is no cult of celebrity. We do not have a Celebrity Temple where people go and sacrifice their pets to decorators from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". Nobody is having Celebrity worshipping gatherings where they stand in a circle and speak gibberish till one of them passes out on the floor. There are no Celebrity Cult farmhouses surrounded by barbed wire in the country where you have to live on 400 calories a day and spend hours listening to lectures about the insights of Michael Jackson and recite passages from his old songs until you don't know what they mean anymore until eventually your well-meaning relatives come and grab you and take you away tied up in a van.

It is part of how everybody exaggerates all the time these days, like this calling everyone who disagrees with you Hitler. "That will be five dollars ma'am." "You Hitler!" etc etc. There is no "cult of celebrity", Hitler died sixty years ago, plastic does not give you cancer, the world is not ending, Europe is not a communist state, America is not a fascist state, you will not drop dead if you do less than three hours jogging a week, terrorists are not "annoyed human rights protestors" and smoking cigarettes does not give you cancer. Also reality TV is not voyeurism, voyeurism is wearing a raincoat and spying on your attractive next-door neighbour with a periscope. Also there is no new black or orange or anything else, everything is old and recycled unless it is part of a computer and even then it is still just a small piece of metal that our ancestors probably used as part of an axe.

Life is normal and mostly really boring, the liveliest thing you will probably do all day is have a better than average cup of coffee. Exaggerating everything does not solve this problem, only when we have space travel to different planets are things likely to improve. In case you are thinking that space travel is new, it is not, they landed on the moon 36 years ago and we are still waiting for affordable inter-galactic travel even now. I am not saying you should face reality, that is always a debatable point. I am just saying exaggeration is not working anymore as a way of spicing things up, so people should stop it.

I concur, exaggerating is so yesterday.
I suggest we use hyperbole instead.
I live in the middle of a tower block and as suchcan spy on my neighbours in no fewer than four directions. However, they are all singularly unattractive. I may have to buy a telescope.
Excessive exaggeration will be the death of us all.

Unless the Irish blow us up first.
I'm not concerned about the Irish blowing us up. I'm concerned about cannibalism. They eat people. They always have. It's part of their culture. I'd be the last one to judge them, and it's no more than we deserve in light of our foreign policy, but we have to admit that they are coming to cook us and slice us up into little bits and gobble us up. Chop chop chop!

This issue is, of course, ignored entirely by the right-wing extremist state media like PBS and the BBC and the Hartford Courant. They are in on it, trust me. They are in league with the Irish. They will be the death of us all unless we repent and apologize to the world.
You've been poached:

Thought you'd like to know.
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